Let's be honest for a minute here. I'm willing to bet that like me a lot of you have found yourselves asking "Am I going crazy?" or maybe you're saying something like, "I feel like I'm going crazy". We've all been there, and its a hard place to be. Maybe you've been praying for a miracle in your life or praying for direction or guidance and it just seems like you're getting no where and you've started to question if God even hears your prayers.
Let me just tell you right now, it is okay to feel this way for a time as long as you don't stay there long term. Even when it seems like God is silent and not hearing your prayers, He is. It can be hard to wait in those quiet moments and understand that even in the silence He is with us. It's okay to sometimes feel like we're going crazy in the waiting friends. Let's look at the life of King David, the story we are going to read is found in 1 Samuel 19.
The story we are about to read picks up with king Saul trying to get rid of David. Keep in mind at this point David has been anointed by God to replace Saul as king. Saul is jealous of David and had decided to do what he thought needed to be done, let's jump in.
"But one day when Saul was sitting at home, with spear in hand, the tormenting spirit from the Lord suddenly came upon him again. As David played his harp, Saul hurled his spear at David. But David dodged out of the way, and leaving the spear stuck in the wall, he fled and escaped into the night" - 1 Samuel 19:9-10
This is the first time we see Saul try to take out David. There are numerous other attempts on David's life mentioned within chapter 19, as well as throughout the next several chapters. In fact, David went on to spend the next 7 years running and hiding from Saul. Yet, while he was running for his life and hiding in desperation. David sought the Lord and trusted in God's timing.
On numerous occasions David had the opportunity to get rid of Saul and finish what Saul had started, but David waited on the Lord. He trusted God would make a way through the dark night. In one of my favorite Psalms, David writes,
"I sought the Lord, and He heard me, and He delivered me from all my fears." - Psalm 34:4
The same man who pinned these words, found himself hiding in caves and running for his life for 7 years. The same man who pinned these words pretended to be insane in front of the king of Gath. 1 Samuel 21:10-13, paints a picture of an encounter David had while hiding from Saul.
"So David escaped from Saul and went to King Achish of Gath. But the officers of Achish were unhappy about his being there. "Isn't this David, the king of the land?" they asked. "Isn't he the one the people honor with dances, and singing, 'Saul has killed his thousands, and David his ten thousands'?" David heard these comments and was very afraid of what King Achish of Gath might do to him. So he pretended to be insane, scratching at the doors and allowing drool down his beard." - 1 Samuel 21:10-13
The same man who sought the Lord was terrified at what man might do to him. So afraid he pretended to be insane! Again we see David, a man after God's own heart terrified yet, he still trusted in God. Even when he spared Saul's life for a second time and Saul told Him, "You are a better man than I", David still thought to himself,
"Someday Saul is going to get me. The best thing I can do is escape to the Philistines. Then Saul will stop hunting for me in Israelite territory, and I will finally be safe." -1 Samuel 27:1
David prayed and waited on the Lord. God didn't always answer right away, as we talked about David spent 7 years on the run and hiding in caves before He no longer had to flee from Saul. Yet, he never gave up his faith and trust in God. I mentioned this next verse above, but I want to share it again, but this time I want to also look at the verses right after it as well.
"I sought the Lord, and He heard me, and He rescued me from all my fears. Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces. In my desperation I prayed, and the Lord listened; he saved me form all my troubles." -Psalm 34;4-6
Do I sometimes feel like I'm going crazy in the waiting... yes. It's okay to feel this way, and it is important to note that God is right there with us in those moments. It's my prayer that down the road we all can look back and point to those moments in our lives where we can confidently say, I sought the Lord, and He heard, and He answered my prayer and delivered me from my fears!
Much Love friends,
Alianna